i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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