wat bout pragnant strippers??
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
