You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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