ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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