Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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