you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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