Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
