I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
