I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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