M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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