you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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