maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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