yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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