I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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