I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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