Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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