so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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