no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
