My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
