I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
