And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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