If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
should my penis look like a turkey
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
