i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
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Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
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I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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