omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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