I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
