i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
