she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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