So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
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My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
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The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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