I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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