Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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