girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
