Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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