We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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