she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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