apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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