I swear she didn't look like that last week.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
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And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
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We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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