hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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