And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
