good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
