Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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