Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
