The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
