i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
