Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
