then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
