imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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