You're a womanizer and a bitch.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
