i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
