I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
