Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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