On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
