I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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