uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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