the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I intend to get homeless drunk
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
