i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
