Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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