She told me I should be a condom model.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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