I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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