the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
