Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
