his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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