when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
And the cops told us we were all naked.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
