I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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