Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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